Make new friends, but keep the old...

One is silver, and the gold. This has been something we have had to talk to our 9 yr old Case about recently since he just found out one of his best friends in school, Davis, is moving to Charleston (about 4 hours away). He is understandably sad and although he understands that Davis' dad got a new and better job, it breaks my heart for him. We have talked about how they can email and how we can see them when they come up for Clemson games to tailgate, but having that one great friend in school just seems to be slipping from his grasp. It makes me sad too because Davis and his family are wonderful. I truly could have seen Case and Davis being lifelong friends, hanging out throughout their entire schooling and even longer. They are different in complementary ways but similar enough to make it work well.

People may ask- what about other boys and other friends? Now, Case is a great kid (I know, not biased at all, right? lol) and has always excelled academically and socially. He makes friends easily, is very sweet and considerate of feelings, and generally happy to be around. And there are some kids that he gets along with; just none that he shares any special bond with. Also, currently, there are not alot of choices for what I would call desirable kids (especially boys) for him to hang out with in his grade. Not that they are awful kids; its more that they are just not remotely like him, generally either act up in class, and they have little in common. They aren't into the same sports, purposely try to not excel academically, and can be very cliquey (in 3rd grade- can you believe it??). And there are alot of them in his particular grade this year. Add into that the fact that there have been alot of kids (good, sweet kids) moving lately due to the economy and parents' new jobs, and it makes this loss even more poignant.

So, although he has school friends and acquaintances from different activities (club soccer, church, etc), he is dreading coming back to school after the holidays when Davis will have moved. We talk about the value of friendship, its importance, and look for more opportunities to let him meet other boys, but I can still see the loss in his eyes.

So what can we do? Well, we have planned to have sleepovers including Davis and schedule fun activities so they can make the most of the time left. We talk and continue to pray for Davis and his family and the big change they will go through. We also ask God for strength and thank him for the blessings of a good friend. Case continues to make new friends all the time and I hope one or more of them can just as special for him in the future.

For this, and so many other reasons, I am so happy that this adoption is happening and he can focus on that after the holidays. The idea of having a little brother makes him over the moon and I know he will simply be the best big brother ever. And now, more than ever, I want them to be much more than brothers. If they are the lifelong "gold" friends to each other we all need, they can give each other support as they search out and make those new "silver" friends.

We're officially not criminals!

Just being silly. Of course we already knew this but its always nice to get that official acknowledgment. Yes, as you may have guessed, our FBI clearances did indeed arrive yesterday with the lovely words "No Arrest Records Found"! Woohoo! It only took about 8 weeks which is AMAZING based on other horror stories I read. Boy am I glad now that I went and got my fingerprints re-done because I just had that "feeling".




And HOLY COW!! We also got word today from our social worker that our home study is completed (Ann is FABULOUS!) She actually forwarded it to us to check before sending it to the agency and except for a few minor suggestions/corrections, she did an exceptional job. She plans on sending it to the agency by the beginning of next week and hopefully they will review it and not find too many things wrong. :)

So, things have been moving crazily forward in this phase of the journey and although we might meet challenges done the road, for tonight I think we'll enjoy this!

Grateful for Naomi and the lessons I learned when dealing with the federal government

Well, as they say- this whole adoption is both a journey and a learning process. I have definitely found that true and especially when dealing with the federal government. Now, I know what everyone is thinking (oh geez, what now?!).....but actually- and unbelievably- we recently had a fantastic experience with them! Here's the scoop and the three lessons I learned:

My husband was born abroad to US parents (back in the day- lol) so we had to take his old birth certificate (that was written in German no less) and have it converted to a DS-1350 or "Certification of Report of Birth". Pretty easy actually. It arrived back here promptly and we sent it off again to have it apostilled. Here is where the adventure began. We used the address supplied by our adoption agency, but it was wrong because it eventually got sent back to us with a non-descript letter and of course, without the notarized form we sent in with it. So, after some detective work, I found the number of the actual office that handles these things (it was buried within the Passport Office and not easy to find) and called to find out what was the problem. I talked to perfectly lovely lady named Naomi who gave me the correct address and told me that not only do they issue the certificates, but they would do apostilles there for free if the document was issued there. That's Lesson #1- always call the office directly (even if it means searching for the number); and Lesson #2- the Vital Records office will apostille for free if they issued the document.

So we sent the documents back- to the correct address this time- with another notarized request and another pre-paid return envelope. What could go wrong, right? Well, turns out we shouldn't ask that question. After about 3 weeks of waiting for the apostille, that should have taken 8 business days, we called to find out the deal. My husband talked to Naomi again and she said she was officer of the day that day and she knew it had already been sent out. I thought "Uh oh....where are these things??" "Did someone take them?". However, as many other questions and scenarios began to form in my head and before pure panic could set in, Naomi called us back (I know, that in itself is amazing!). She told us that her assistant had mistakenly seen our return UPS Ground envelope and re-opened it and put it back in Naomi's to-do pile! lol Naomi explained that they usually use Fed Ex and hence the mix-up. She apologized profusely and assured us she would send it asap. That was yesterday.....it arrived this morning first thing, Fed Ex overnight. So Lesson #3- always use Fed Ex when sending things to the government.

So let's review lessons learned:
Lesson #1- always call the office directly (even if it means searching for the number)

Lesson #2- the Vital Records office will apostille for free if they issued the document.

Lesson #3- Always use Fed Ex for the government.

Needless to say, we will be sending a letter praising Naomi and the Vital records office to her supervisor, Sec of State Clinton, and even the White House! What the heck, how often do they hear about great employees? Thanks Naomi!!

A slideshow of some great moms

Just when not much had been happening, I saw this on msnbc.com this morning- isn't this the epitome of full-hearted adoption? Yay for all these animal mommies for being such good role models in this slide show :)

http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/38989220/displaymode/1247?beginSlide=1

Hurray for barking dogs!

Usually when our dogs see either the UPS guy or the Fed Ex guy, its bark city. If its in the house, its quite raucous. If they are outside, I cringe the neighbors will be upset- it's not really that bad and doesn't last long, but you know how people are at times. Regardless, I am very thankful we have such good little companions that alert us to people coming to the house- especially today. In the late morning, the Fed Ex truck pulled up and brought us the first of the apostilled documents to come back! Hurray!

It was great seeing what they actually looked like. In a way, I thought the whole apostille thing was basically a do over of the notary and a bunch of government whooey, so I was pleased to see it was much more than that. Those beautiful gold seals were actually kinda cool and definitely feels like another step has been achieved on our journey. So now I'm kinda looking forward to the next "barkfest" and what treasures may come. Woof!


One of my sweet babies

Back to School- check! First Home Study Visit- check!

Well, another big step in the process yesterday as we had our first home study meeting with our social worker, Ann. She is so great that we spent hours here at the house and most of it was just talking about life- lol! Its so great to have another major hurdle cleared and since Ann wrote a favorable home study for us when we thought about pursuing domestic adoption (and not much has changed thank goodness), it should be fairly painless.

By far though I have to say one of the most frustrating aspects of this whole journey so far has been getting the child abuse clearances from states we have lived in. Has anyone else experienced this lunacy and even more reason for a master central registry nationwide?? Now, our home state (SC) isn't hard at all and neither was MI, whose online services and information are very user friendly and tell you exactly what you need to complete etc. WI was ok, if not a little unorthodox and odd, but still helpful once we reached the person in charge. A little phone/email tag and finally, success. But MN? Simply awful! Not only did they NEVER answer their phones or return left messages, the time allotment required to decipher their website and find the correct forms is unreal. We asked for help via mail and they sent us back a sticky note with white out on it- I mean, seriously? In the amount of time it probably took to find the white out the person could have emailed us- duh. Our social worker said she had done international adoptions before and they were real bad (but not as bad as VA- boy did she have a story for that!). Still, I think we've got it all figured out and all those silly forms are in the mail or finished, so we're on our way.

Question though about these- did you all have the originals returned to you after the social worker received them and then have them notarized etc OR did the originals get put in the home study and then that whole thing was notarized by the social worker before sent to you? Does that make sense? I know we need at least one set of 12 original documents per Lina for the dossier (and a second set with copies of the clearances and affidavits), but I can't figure out if these clearance forms are separate entities or included in the home study. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

You may remember my little "gossiping" situation I had at the police department? Well, as much as I wanted to, I opted to not say anything since I guess it was an innocent thing and never meant to go far. Granted, it still left me very distrustful and disgusted, but I did decide to get another set of prints done at the same place. My first set looked a little smudged to send to the FBI and rather than wait for them to just reject them, I had them done again. So with trepidation, cynacism, and a little chip on my shoulder I walked into the PD. Well, God must have heard my pleas because the officer that helped me out was the sweetest man who took special care when I told him it was for adoption. Ok, I admit it, I had "practiced" rolling my prints at home, but this set came out great and even he said it was one of his best ever. We'll see if the FBI agree, but for now a big "Phew!"and brow wipe.

We also started to school this week! My son (a 3rd grader- I can't believe it!) was thrilled and so excited! I was too, not because he'll be gone (I miss him during the day) but because this should be a fantastic grade and he'll learn so much. I love seeing what sponges kids are at this age! I spoke with both his principal (awesome man) and his teacher and kinda broke the ground for the potential regarding the trips. They were both super about it and I feel much better already (see my freakout post- lol). That and everything else made it a much better adoption-related week. I know the Holy Mother and our Heavenly Father are supporting and loving us all the way!

Late Night Freakout

So, last night about 2:00am my son had a bad dream and I went up to comfort him. I decided to sleep with him for a bit, but I had a hard time falling asleep- my mind was racing for some reason. As I watched him snoring peacefully, I started thinking about how much his life will change this next year and also how much I love him. He will be a phenomenal big brother- that I'm not worried in the least about. What kept me up was that I started freaking out about the details and logistics of the trips to Poland. We haven't even submitted the dossier or gotten half the things apostilled yet and still I am being plagued by the "hows and whats".

I had all sort of questions, scenarios, and emotions leaping in and out of my brain:

Home-related:
How and what we have to do to secure the house for the long trip?

What about mail, papers, bills?

What about our dogs- do we board them or do we have someone stay here with them?

How much I would miss them, especially my 12 year old schnauzer, my first baby.

The plants? Our fish? The yard?

Would we need to fly family down or would someone here help us out (since we have no family nearby)?

AAAHHHH! The Craziness! Well, I thought about each and every one and when I finally had worked these out enough to feel ok about it, the real panic set in.

What about my son missing school? Should he? Would the absences be excused? I mean, I think so but, would they?

Should he come on both trips or one? What time of year would it be? He has testing this year and can't miss it. How will we coordinate that? Is there a better time to submit the dossier (yes, I went back and looked at other blogs that had adopted already to get an idea on time frames)?

Oh no, the testing. What about that required standardized state testing? (I actually got on the computer to check that out at 4:30am- at least I know the dates he HAS to be there but it still worries me). I mean, his principal is phenomenal but would this be expecting too much? Will we be able to have him here for those 3 days or will we have to work something else out? Can we?

No solution was clear cut and freaked me out even more. So, as I continued to run through solutions and possibilities, I also prayed and prayed for God to settle my mind and bring me peace and calm so I could sleep. Although I struggled until about 6:00am, I eventually did. Thank you God and thank you Motrin.

In times like this, I also pray for Holy Mother Mary's intercession and blessing (how ironic that it would be today, the day of Mary's assumption). Since losing my own mother, I have often turned to Mary to give me strength, guidance, and motherly affection and I have not been disappointed. I feel I will need her ALOT this next year and pray she stands beside me and us as we become parents again. The sacrifices we may have to make are nothing compared to the one she made and if I keep perspective, it should make it easier. Still the same questions seem ever present in my mind today and I'm pretty sure it will continue until our referral is received and the logistics are worked out.

Also ironically, the ONE thing that I didn't worry about last night was the fact that our child IS waiting for us. I know God is leading us down the path to him/her and I trust in Him completely. We just have to figure out the logistics and my motivation will have to be that our child is waiting for us to do just that. So I know I may have nights like this (hopefully not too many), I just need to keep my eye on the prize and do whatever is needed to bring our child home, without too much stress and compromise to my current family.

Lord, give me strength!