So, last night about 2:00am my son had a bad dream and I went up to comfort him. I decided to sleep with him for a bit, but I had a hard time falling asleep- my mind was racing for some reason. As I watched him snoring peacefully, I started thinking about how much his life will change this next year and also how much I love him. He will be a phenomenal big brother- that I'm not worried in the least about. What kept me up was that I started freaking out about the details and logistics of the trips to Poland. We haven't even submitted the dossier or gotten half the things apostilled yet and still I am being plagued by the "hows and whats".
I had all sort of questions, scenarios, and emotions leaping in and out of my brain:
Home-related:
How and what we have to do to secure the house for the long trip?
What about mail, papers, bills?
What about our dogs- do we board them or do we have someone stay here with them?
How much I would miss them, especially my 12 year old schnauzer, my first baby.
The plants? Our fish? The yard?
Would we need to fly family down or would someone here help us out (since we have no family nearby)?
AAAHHHH! The Craziness! Well, I thought about each and every one and when I finally had worked these out enough to feel ok about it, the real panic set in.
What about my son missing school? Should he? Would the absences be excused? I mean, I think so but, would they?
Should he come on both trips or one? What time of year would it be? He has testing this year and can't miss it. How will we coordinate that? Is there a better time to submit the dossier (yes, I went back and looked at other blogs that had adopted already to get an idea on time frames)?
Oh no, the testing. What about that required standardized state testing? (I actually got on the computer to check that out at 4:30am- at least I know the dates he HAS to be there but it still worries me). I mean, his principal is phenomenal but would this be expecting too much? Will we be able to have him here for those 3 days or will we have to work something else out? Can we?
No solution was clear cut and freaked me out even more. So, as I continued to run through solutions and possibilities, I also prayed and prayed for God to settle my mind and bring me peace and calm so I could sleep. Although I struggled until about 6:00am, I eventually did. Thank you God and thank you Motrin.
In times like this, I also pray for Holy Mother Mary's intercession and blessing (how ironic that it would be today, the day of Mary's assumption). Since losing my own mother, I have often turned to Mary to give me strength, guidance, and motherly affection and I have not been disappointed. I feel I will need her ALOT this next year and pray she stands beside me and us as we become parents again. The sacrifices we may have to make are nothing compared to the one she made and if I keep perspective, it should make it easier. Still the same questions seem ever present in my mind today and I'm pretty sure it will continue until our referral is received and the logistics are worked out.
Also ironically, the ONE thing that I didn't worry about last night was the fact that our child IS waiting for us. I know God is leading us down the path to him/her and I trust in Him completely. We just have to figure out the logistics and my motivation will have to be that our child is waiting for us to do just that. So I know I may have nights like this (hopefully not too many), I just need to keep my eye on the prize and do whatever is needed to bring our child home, without too much stress and compromise to my current family.
Lord, give me strength!
I feel your anxiety! I have been through all of those issues too, with the exception of the issues with bringing a sibling, as this is our first. Luckily our dogs are going to "grandma and grandpas'. The craziest thing is, you just have no idea. Some people have waited over a year, some two, for the referral that was right for them, others have waited just a few months. You just don't know!! I am a believer in planning for the worst (we have contingency plans all around!), hoping for the best, and knowing that the One above will know whats best for us!
ReplyDeleteIf you are anything like me, it won't be your last freak out... But take solace in the fact that it will indeed all work out.
ReplyDeleteHow old is your son? Our son's principal and teachers were so incredibly accommodating when we needed it the most. There comes a point in all school administrations where they realize that nothing is more important than family (even required standardized tests) and these are the experiences that teach much more than any lesson at school possibly could.
I remember so well all of those thoughts racing thru my head too (except for the sibling issues, lol). The timing, what to pack, will the pets be ok, how will our new addition react to us, will the house be ok....... Yes, it's enough to drive you crazy, if you let it. Everything will work out just perfectly, but the waiting & unknown is so, so hard!
ReplyDeleteThanks everybody! It definitely helps just to hear I'm not alone (or insane- lol). @Sarah- he is 8 yrs old and starting 3rd grade (today!). His principal is awesome and definitely family-oriented so I'm sure I'm worrying unnecessarily at this point. Thanks for all the encouragement and validation- I really appreciate any and all advice :)
ReplyDeleteWhen you go through that anxiety attack again (and yes, I've been there) - just remember - the timing is not in your control. When the time comes - THEN you start planning everything in a methodical and practical manner. Until then, makes no sense to worry about something that is out of your control.
ReplyDeleteThe other thing to think about - "what's the worst that can happen?" Once you've tackled the answers to this question, you have far more confidence that you can handle anything.
As for your son missing exams - and what if you don't get the referral call by the exam date, and your son wakes up with 102 fever and a bad case of the flu? Call the school now and find out what excuses are justifiable to miss tests, and how do you make up the tests. Maybe that will ease your mind over this.
Good luck and hang in there!
We had a neighbor check on the house, collect out mail and water the plants. We hired someone to cut our lawn and we had our bills on auto-pay. We didn't have to think about a child in school, but my in-laws did watch our dog. Somehow everything just worked out.
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