It has been so long since I last posted, but I honestly had nothing to report. Until now.....
WE HAVE TRAVEL DATES TO GO BACK TO POLAND!!!!! All I can say is Woo-fricking-Hoo!!!
It absolutely took FOREVER to get these and I'm pretty sure we have completely ticked off our agency but hey, whatever! We had totally expected to travel in July or at worst, early August and that would have been the best scenario by far for all of us. But that was not to be. We were VERY prompt in getting things together and sent in, but the wait was crazy and it took forever to hear anything. Here's the timeline and what we currently have had to deal with:
We had all our paperwork in by mid June and still we waited to hear.
We overnighted the DS-230 forms and items needed to the Embassy for our Article 5. Still we waited.
We got notice in the mail from the State Dept that our stuff had arrived and been processed on June 28. Still we waited.
On a whim (or maybe a moment of brilliance), I even emailed the US embassy in Warsaw (yes, you can do that) to check on the status of our Article 5. I only asked them if it was possible to check the status and didn't even provide them our case number at the time, I only signed our names. Our AWESOME US Embassy (yes, take note, they ROCK!) emailed us back the next day that yes our Article 5 for our son was issued and picked up by our "agency representative" on July 5. I had only asked if it was a possibility to check the status; they went above and beyond and did using only our name. We were very excited, but still we waited.
Days and weeks passed. We called and texted Lina and Nick and emailed Magda (she gave us permission to) and no one had any answers. I'm sure they were pretty much hating us. The month of July continued to tick by and soon we found ourselves worrying about the potential for a trip interfering with the upcoming school year. I am again PTO President at Case's (and A's) school and have responsibilities early with Back To School Nights in mid-August and meetings. I take it pretty seriously and have been working like crazy to get all the forms and instructions ready for my VP for when I'm gone and getting everything in place. As we got further into July, I started to worry about Case missing the first few days, his absences so early (they only get 10 a year), etc. I knew it would be a great experience for him to come, but he finally has the teacher he wants AND his best friend in his class for his last year in elementary school. It may sound stupid, but I didn't want to deprive him of that.
During July (and now August), Brian had to constantly move his surgeries around and re-work his schedule. He has wanted to keep things light in case we were called on a whim to go, but at the same time he had to keep working and didn't want to put out his patients over and over. He also could not let his partners (a difficult, prima-donna bunch, albeit very talented) know when exactly he would be gone, creating more stress.
As the days passed in July, my birthday at the end of the month came and went. We honestly thought we would be in Poland for it so we made no plans. Not that I cared about that, but it made for just another day which even at 46 (yes, I know, I'm o-l-d!, lol) sucks. Finally at the end of the month, we decided to take a trip to Charleston just for the weekend and to decompress. It was totally needed. I mean, don't get me wrong, it was freakishly hot and humid and all-around unpleasant weather-wise. But it was good for us to be away, even for a short time. In Charleston, I joked to Brian that we would probably get the call to go just like we did in April when we were in Disneyworld. Well, we didn't get that, but we did an email from Magda that the reason we had not heard anything was our judge was on vacation the whole month of July. Must be nice, eh??! She said he/she would be back the first week of August and our lawyer would talk to him/her the 2nd or 3rd. A bummer, but at least a time frame beginning to form.
We also found out through our awesome adoptive mom covert network of information (heh heh)that Magda was also on vacation until August 5 and would be going on vacation again later in Sept. Don't get me wrong, I don't begrudge her any of it, she works her tail off for all of us! Still, the time worried us.
Finally, this last Friday, we got an email from Magda- the dates were issued! They needed us in country on Sept 3 and our court date is Sept 18! Luckily, we only have a 15 day bonding period which works awesome for Brian's work! Unlike others, as a surgeon he can't work remotely and the court really took that and his responsibility to his patients into consideration. For that we are very grateful. Also, we think they took into consideration that A has no family. His parents gave up rights and walked away. They have never contacted him, the foster family, or the state to even check on him in 2+ years. It probably also doesn't hurt that the foster family LOVES us (and we love them), and we have skyped with A on Saturdays since we left. Plus, we are seasoned parents and he has no major health issues that require extra care. I'm sure it all played a part and for that we are eternally grateful.
The bad part (and there is definitely a BAD part) is multi-fold. First and foremost, there is no way Case can come with us and I have to potentially stay until mid-October (although Magda guesses they will reduce that time like they do for others). I can deal with staying, but I HATE being separated from Case. I have never been away from him for this long and definitely have never been this far away from him. Also, to add insult to injury, we will miss his 11th birthday while we are gone. Super, super sad about that. I know, I know....its all for a good cause; but Case has been my world since he was born and I have never missed a birthday. It will be brutal, but I know we'll get through it. Thank God for Skype!
The other bad part is we will miss the Michigan-Alabama game we have (well, had) tickets for since winter. We knew it was a chance, but we really thought we would be fine and would be back by then. We bought 4 tickets, thinking optimistically we would have a little one by then. The worst part is the game is Sept 1! If the court had asked us to be in country one week or even one day later than they did, we could have done both! Argh!! You have to understand too that I LOVE Michigan Football. Its my only true passion. And I was really looking forward to seeing Cowboy Stadium and all our M friends that are going too. So, boo. As the time passed during the summer, I had resigned myself to the fact I may not be able to go (if I was in Poland still during the rescission period). I comforted myself by thinking that maybe Brian and Case could go with another dad-son and make a boys weekend out of it. But then the word came in and none of us can go. I know it may seem silly, but it was something we were all looking forward to. I am glad we went to Charleston though for a trip with Case before this.
But the most stressful part of this whole convoluted scenario was yet to come. Let's recap the scorecard currently:
- The dates are good for Brian's work (he has time to re-schedule things, his partners owe him for extra call he covered this week, and its a short period so he can get back sooner. (good thing!)
-We had tickets to the UM-AL game, but we were able to re-sell them to fellow Michigan alums/friends (a wash)
-Case cannot come with us and we miss his birthday (sucky thing)
-We can't count on family and have to look for people to watch Case...
Oh wait, I didn't tell you that yet? Yeah, that is the stress kicker. Time to get on my soapbox....
We asked both sides of our family if someone would be willing to come stay with him. No one except Brian's sister (who gets hardly any time off work) offered and she could only do it for a few days. I totally appreciate all she tried to do because at least she tried! Brian's parents were the logical choice because they are retired etc, but they were full of excuses and begged off. I did however think my family would be there. Again, nope. They all had excuses- some legit, some just their choices- but the reality is that I don't ask for anything from them and when I did, they were not there. That will be forever in my memory. I was and am totally in disbelief at all of them. But it painted a very, very clear picture to me of who we can really count on and who is all talk and no action. I share this because this is my blog and I need to vent; but also because I want to remember.
Realize this, I have never asked for help for anything like this in my life. Ever. Not when my mother died unexpectedly 6 months before our wedding. Even when I was extremely sick when Case was a baby, I did not ask for help. During that time, Brian turned to his parents then to see if they would come down and help him with Case and they said no even then. That no has stuck with me. At the time, their refusal made me suck it up big time and get over my illness. I just had to. I had to be stronger than I thought I could be and I had to for my baby. And I did. No one knows how I would have loved the luxury of being able to recover, but I had to toughen up and rise to the occasion for my son. And don't get me wrong, I am proud I did so. I know from that and other events, that I have unbelievable inner-strength and am tough as nails. But I still needed help with this. I let those that have disappointed me and those that made promises to me back in and turned to them, only to find those promises empty and those people unreliable.
So why did I expect different this time? I don't know, wishful thinking probably. But it was not to be. I will NOT make the mistake of going back to either well because for me, they are dry as a bone. All talk, but no walk. The fact is this, when someone asks you for help you promised to give when they need it and you say no, that cuts deep. And when its someone that never asks for help, they should know that person is desperate and really, really needs it. Brian and I have realized in the last few days/weeks that we cannot count on any family. That is so sad and pathetic to say and to acknowledge, but its our reality. However, what we also realize is we can completely and utterly count on our close friends, our true family.
When I realized Case would need to stay here, we had to get someone lined up to care for him, to get him to school, to get him to soccer, and who would be an emotional support for him while we were away. I have been freaking out for a while- not sleeping, barely eating. Then two awesome people stepped up and agreed to take care of him. A HUGE responsibility and they offered without a second thought. Wow.
The first is the sweetest friend anyone could want and I feel blessed we have gotten so close over the last year. A local teacher and awesome mom of boys (one, Case's good friend), she will give Case exactly the care he needs and probably make it so fun he will hardly know we are gone, lol. She will have him for the first week. The second is a sweet, motherly woman whose college-age daughter is one of Case's babysitters. She has helped out others in the practice and she will get Case and stay here at the house with him the second week until Brian gets back. That way he can feel comfortable, have his things around him, and have a sense of normalcy while we are gone. We have other friends that will step up to take him to and from soccer practice and games and overall, I think it might work. Still, I would have loved it if Case could have had family care for him in his own house while we were away; but sadly that was not to be and honestly, I know now that it will NEVER happen. We are blessed though to have close friends both near and far who are now our family and we will put our efforts there.
So, now we wait to go. We will make flights this week and then start preparing the house, ourselves, the dogs, and Case (not in that order). In a way, we were blessed that we didn't go this summer as much as we wanted to. We get to see the Olympics (USA coverage, lol) and experience Michael Phelps' awesomeness. We get to spend a relaxing summer with Case before A comes. We get to take Case to his last first day of elementary school and get him settled in his class. We get to see him play in his soccer tournament before we leave. And we know our son will be cared for by loving people who are our new family. Sometimes the most stressful of situations bring out the best and worst in people and help you discern who are really the ones you can turn to in this life. And sometimes family comes in a different form, unrelated by blood. Seems an appropriate lesson when going through adoption :)
Until next time!
-L
